old story, new take

I have heard the story of Christmas ever since I can remember. I know that Jesus Christ, God's Son, concieved by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin, who would be called Emmanuel (God with us), was born that day, and THAT is what we celebrate. Peace, joy, freedom came that day! Hope! Our Savior came to earth and was born! For you and for me, He came! To do the Father's will and bring glory to Him, to conquer sin and death once and for all for all of us. To bring us into a relationship with Himself. What an amazing miricle of God! Even as I write I am hesitant to go on, because I am truly in awe of that story, no matter how many times I have heard it or how many times I will hear it in the future.
Ben was reading the Christmas story again recently, in preparation for Christmas, after just coming back from a trip to California. Something he learned there is that if we are not applying what we read in God's Word daily to our everyday lives, then there isn't much point - the Word wasn't meant to just be another story, but something that changes our lives.
Sometimes it's hard to get new things out of stories that we've heard and applied so often. But as Ben was reading the Christmas story he got something else out of it - he closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to be the shepherds on the hillside that the angel appeared to. Can you imagine that? All of a sudden, out of the darkness, comes this bright angel! And after the angel comes a whole choir of angels appear! They must have been shaken up, hearts racing, excited to go see what in the world they were just told. Can you imagine being out on a cold night, maybe just going on a walk, when BAM the skies open up and angels appear?!
While Ben was imagining this, he asked God how this applied to his life, right now. And this is what he came up with: Having just been to California to see what relational discipleship looked like in all different ways with many different people, this was what the Lord had shown him - that being a disciple of Christ is the most real, most freeing thing to do with your life. That following Christ was really the abundant life. That helping others in their journey with Jesus is what our lives should be all about; our time, energies, efforts, finances, everything. THAT is what he had the opportunity to share with others, to share with people in our lives. The Lord had taught him this - the men that he encountered in California spurned him on to his life being about relational discipleship once again. He had this exciting news, this way of life, to help people that we love get excited about this life that God has called us to - this abundant life with Him.
This abundant life that He offers freely - the reason that He sent His Son to be born on the earth and one day die to free us from ourselves.

Thanks.Giving. Part 2: North Carolina

So even though traveling hours away multiple weekends isn't my favorite, I'm a big fan of the end result: being with people that you love.
The week before Thanksgiving we had my side's "Thanksgiving", and for the "real" Thanksgiving we were in North Carolina with Ben's brother, his family and a few others.
North Carolina has people that we love. It was a great weekend with Dave (Ben's older brother), Dana (his wife) and their four children. Meg, a great friend, and Dana's parents were also around for different parts of the long weekend. We also got to visit a while with Collin and Jinny, a couple that the Thacker family loves dearly. Not to mention Dave and Dana also had their pastor and his family over. The house was full, and sometimes less full, of people coming and going, and it was a great time. We played games, laughed, ate, decorated for Christmas, played with the kids, went to a tour of where some Lord-willing cabin sites will be for Collin & Jinny's continued ministry will take place in the mountains... So many fun things.
It was a great time to get away, to relax. To be with people that we love. To make memories and reflect on things that we are truly thankful for.
We went around the table to share what we were truly thankful for in the past year, and then prayed for those things. The "thing" I was thankful for? Ben. Ben's growth in the Lord. Ben's love for the Lord. Ben's determination to have true, meaningful, deep relationship with the Lord and those around him. His determination to do what is best for those that he loves - regardless of the cost. His growing love for God's Word. That he is everyday living life more God-centered and more God-focused and less self-centered and him focused. I am thankful that we have a bond as a married couple, but even more than that I am thankful for the bond that goes deeper: we are both tied to Jesus Christ. I am thankful that my husband and I share that which matters most. That our hearts, our lives are unified in Christ. They will be forever. I don't know if there's anything I could be more thankful for.

ThAnKsGiViNg - Pt 1: Chicagoland

This past weekend we headed to my parent's home outside of Chicago to have our first of 2 Thanksgivings; the first was with my side of the family. I am so thankful for the family that I am a part of, the family that God placed me in. God knew just what He was doing, as always. Sure, we're crazy, but we sure do know how to have a lot of fun when we're together!
We got together on Saturday to eat some amazing home-made grub. We all got to be together, which doesn't happen often since we live in a different state, and it was a blast. The party started at 2pm and lasted until after 11pm. We ate, played games, told stories, took pictures... We made memories, and I am so thankful for them.
Before dinner we started a new tradition: each person, kids included, say one thing that they are thankful for. It seems so simple, but it was a huge blessing and a sweet time of sharing. God can use even simple things like that to draw us closer to Him and to one another. It was precious.

Here's some pics of the day:

Ben & dad's favorite pastime - Chess


Turkey Prep


Whip cream in the mouth - our family specialty



This is us :)

living under guilt

According to dictionary.com, guilt is defined as, "a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined."

“Long-term, gospel-motivated obedience can only come from the grace of what Jesus has already done, not the guilt of what we must do.” -Tullian Tchividjian

So thankful for a God, for an Almighty Father that takes it all; One who I want to surrender all to; One who wants me to lay my burdens at His feet so He can set me free.
God doesn't motivate by guilt, He doesn't want us to be motivated by guilt, and He doesn't want us to motivate others by guilt. I used to and sometimes still do struggle with guilt until I realize that it is not from God and it can never be from God - I have to cling to that truth on a daily basis.
I no longer want to do things or function because of guilt I feel. I don't want to do things around the house or for Ben or for loved ones or in my church because I feel a guilt-led responsibilty to do it. I don't to be carrying around this guilt that I wasn't meant to carry, that I have been set free from.
Guilt, I am done living under your never-ending pressure. So done. Set free. So thankful.

13.1 miles

September 12 was a Sunday that started out like any other... False. It actually started with my alarm clock going off at 3:30a and us waking up in my parent's guest bedroom. It was September 12, 2010 - the Chicago 1/2 Marathon, our first 1/2 marathon ever.
I started pre-training for this in May, and yes, I do thoroughly enjoy running. I find it relaxing, time to just breath, and even spend time with the Lord. I enjoyed getting to run through the beautiful country on the flat roads of somewhat endless cornfields. Ben declared that he would never run that far or do anything like it, he was not a fan. It wasn't until probably 1/2 way through my training that Ben decided to join me on my adventure of training and eventually running this race with me.
The best way to describe this experience is probably through sharing some of the many things I have learned through it.
Here is what I learned through TRAINING for this day:
1. This is the first time I've ever set a long-term goal of my own, and therefore completed a long-term goal that I made. As far as I can remember that's true. It was the first time that I've ever had to commit to something way in advance and work at it a little bit everyday until the big day came. I like "To-do" lists, but more than that, I THOROUGHLY enjoy checking things off of my "To-do" lists. So it's hard for me not to rush through doing things, even far in advance, just to get them checked off. This wasn't something I could rush through and finish.
2. I am a slow runner, I enjoy my slow pace.
3. I am not a morning runner - the attempt to get up and run before work was a joke, and I got physically ill.
4. Ben is FAST, and can automatically run 3, 4, or 5 miles faster than me and with less effort than me even if he never trained a day in his life and I had been training for a WHILE (true story).
5. I am thankful for the country roads, the area that we live in, and the beautiful sunsets that God paints for us.
6. Treadmills and I can only be friends for approximately 45 minutes at a time. That's all.
7. Training takes energy, but it gives energy, too.
8. It took a lot of time, wisely juggling my schedule was hard.
9. The Bible talks A LOT about running the race that is set before us, running to win the prize, finishing well, training, being faithful with your committments, being wise with your time, etc. It was absolutely amazing how I saw each of these come to life in my training for this race - something I didn't think to expect. It was so cool that I was learning about my faith, about my Faithful Creator and God just by training to run a race. I think the one that still sticks out the most is finishing well - I hope and pray that when God takes me home or sends Jesus back that I will have finished well. That I will have run the race only to hear "Well done, faithful servant." To be honest finishing well for my training was HARD. Just weeks before the race I came down with Hand,Foot,andMouth disease, something I hope to never have again, and there were other times of travel or whatever that I couldn't exactly train - and it was hard to keep being motivated. To set my eyes on the prize even though I couldn't see the finish line, even though I had no idea what it would be like, even when I wanted to quit. Yet I want to faithfully live the life that God has granted to me, day in and day out, no matter how crazy or monotonous, easy or hard.
RACE DAY. Finally! It was here after pre-training, and regular training, totaling 18 weeks of training. I'm not sure there are words to describe it, but I will try... Overall it was hard (and I don't mean physically hard in and of itself). I know that my body could physically run 13.1 miles. The race was unlike any of my training. I faced obstacles, physically and mentally that I hadn't experienced throughout any of my training. The mental game was the hardest part, beyond the cramping, the crying, the throwing up, the pure emotional exhaustion, as well as other things. Even though it was hard, it was a really good learning experience. And we finished, mission accomplished.
So here's what I learned on RACE DAY:
1. Never training with anything but water + drinking gatorade during my race = nausea/puking. Gross. They say to never change anything on race day that you always did the same for training; I didn't think that the gatorade thing would matter, but oh, it did.
2. Mile 7 is when the insane amount of doubt, discouragement, strong desire to quit set in for me and stayed throughout the entire rest of the race.
3. I think I cried twice between mile 7 and mile 8. When I cry while I'm running, my air passages begin to close/my body has a little anxiety attack. Ben coached me through that the couple of times it happened and then we were off again. I had no idea that could happen because I thought that an anxiety attack meant I was anxious but I wasn't, I was just crying. Ben hugged me and encouraged me and kept telling me he was so proud. He is so great.
4. My body is stronger than my mind will allow it to be.
5. Satan is the king of doubt. Just like I was struggling with doubt and discouragement during my race, Satan tries to use doubt and discouragement to persuade us that living lives that glorify God can't be done - while we're running our race on earth. He tells us that we're failing. That when we fail we can't keep going, might as well give up. That we're losers, that God won't love us anymore. That when we don't match up to our expectations or God's that quitting is the better option. Etc. Etc. Etc. All of which are lies. Every single one of them.
6. I learned about God's love that day. Ben showed me what it was like to love someone unconditionally and completely. He ran with me the entire time, even when I was mentally done with the race and I told him to go on without me. He stopped and held me when I cried. He walked when I walked, even when it cause his legs to cramp. He encouraged me and encouraged me over and over again. He affirmed his love for me. He reminded me gently that my first and foremost goal was to finish and I was doing just that. He repeatedly told me he was proud of me. He held my hand, sometimes he pulled me along when I wanted to badly to quit. God loves us like that; He meets us right where we are and loves us right there. He doesn't push us, He doesn't bully us; He knows our frame that we are but dust and He's not disappointed in us. Even when we're failing, even when it's ugly, even when we've given up, He loves us. He wants to take our burdens away. He wants us to succeed. He takes away our doubts and discouragement and replaces them with His truths. He wants to show us His perfect love, His perfect grace.
7. I saw a glimpse of God's love through Ben, and I saw Ben's love for me. The whole reason he did the race was to share an adventure, one that I wanted to do, with me. For the memory. To encourage me. To serve me and love me. And wow, he did just that.
8. My mom will never stop being my cheerleader. She woke up after getting 2 hours of sleep to drive us downtown, and cheer us on. She was so proud of us and it was SUCH a blessing, such a sweet encouragement to have her there with us.
9. Milk Chug's 1% Chocolate Milk = Best. Recovery. Drink. Ever.
10. I can complete a 1/2 marathon. Not only that, but something crazy in me wants to do another 1/2 marathon, but do it better and run the whole thing. I learned Ben wants to do another one, too; and a marathon after that, and maybe a triathalon after that. I can't committ to anything more than 13.1 just yet :)
11. I was discouraged even after the race. But just because I didn't meet my other goals, I finished, and I learned that that is something to be proud of. That's enough.
12. I also realized how much I want to train myself to finish well, in running/training, but also in life. Lord I need Your help :)
13. I have never been to a race before, talk about a cloud of witnesses - there were people EVERYWHERE! People screaming MY name, even though I didn't know them! Cheering me on, keeping me focused, encouraging me to keep on keepin' on, that I'll be done soon. And although I know it's not the same, it's the closest I've ever come to realizing what it talks about in God's Word about running the race before us while we have such a cloud of witnesses.
14. Running with peole that all have the same goal, thousands of them, young and old, was just like living life with others who want to live to glorify the Lord. Encouraging one another. Being real with one another. What a neat picutre. I got to run the race with my husband, I get to do this life journey with him everyday, and what a blessing that he and I have the same goal, the same motivation; one purpose in life. Thank you, Lord, for him and for our other brothers and sisters that we can do life with to glorify you! What a blessing.

Wow. That was a lot. I'm sure there's more I could write, but we'll leave it at that for now :) And yes, I would recommend a 1/2 marathon to anyone & everyone.

sleeping in tents + great memories = camping

This summer was a big summer for me - I went .C.A.M.P.I.N.G. For most people, that isn't a big deal, but it was the first time I've ever gone this kind of camping. It was a multiple nights sleeping in a tent, multiple meals cooked over fire, multiple times popping a squat in the woods, multiple fires to gather around, multiple days without showering besides for swimming in the lake.
And to be completely honest - I LOVED IT! It was such a great time. It probably helps that we were with some of my very most favorite people in the whole world, Dave and Dana (Ben's brother and sister-in-law)and 4 of our precious nieces and nephews. It also probably helped that we camped out on the outskirts of a small town in Robbinsville, on one of clearest and most beautiful lakes I have ever seen, right in the middle of the Appalatian mountains.
We spent a lot of time just hanging out, being together, talking, swimming in the beautiful, clean lake, swinging in hammocks, talking around the fire, snacking on yummy food, and kayaking/canoeing. It was so peaceful.
There is just something so special about being in a place with people you love that seems to be secluded from everything else for just a short breath of time. There is something about taking in those moments and thanking the Lord for bringing you to this beautiful place with these amazing people. Even time spent with the Lord seemed to last and come almost naturally, just like it was meant to in the beginning of time. It was like we were in a different world. It was a breath of fresh air to my life.
Our trip ended early due to some crazy monsoon-like rain, but even that was fun. We stayed huddled together, wrapped in towels trying to keep warm. We figured it wouldn't have been as fun to stay there in the crazy mud, with little leaks in our tents, with the kiddos, and with company coming to join us for dinner, so we grabbed what we needed and spent the last night at Dave and Dana's home. (I must say, it was really nice to take a hot shower after being stuck in the cold rain!)
The weekend finished off with me talking late into the night with my sister-in-law, and praying with her over things we had talked about. I don't think I will ever forget that precious time with her, usually we are the first of the adults going to bed!
Ben and I headed home the next day, leaving the mountains to head back to cornfields, but refreshed and recharged and thankful for the sweet memories of camping and family and the blessing of being out in God's creation, away from our everyday lives :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It was my (Jess) birthday on Thurs, July 29, and oh what a great day it was! I just love birthdays. I love the anticipation, that its my "special day" (I have yet to find someone that shares it with me), that people who love you remember its your day and want to celebrate it with you, the fun times I've had over past birthdays, presents... It's just fun. People are celebrating who God has made you to be and how long you've been here on earth - how cool!
And it's so great to think that God sent me to earth that very year, that very month, on that very day. He always knew that July 29 would be the day I would enter the world as a tiny baby girl, a month earlier than expected (even though it took 12 hours of labor - EEK!), the second daughter but third child to an expectant mother. My grandma says it was a beautiful, sunny day in July that I made my first appearance. It's crazy that we celebrate a day that we don't even remember happening (although it had to or we woulnd't be here!).
Well this past Thursday, my birthday, was a beautiful, warm (but not hot) sunny day, one just like the day I was born, or so my grandma says :). I woke up when the sun was coming up, grabbed some coffee, and spent time thanking the Lord for sending me here, and letting me walk with Him for much of my time here on this earth. I spent time reflecting on all that He's done in my lifetime, the wonderous ways He has worked, answered prayers, molded and shaped me, the people that have come, gone, or stayed around in my life. Tt was a special time with the Lord.
After that I had to go to work (sidenote : besides for working up at Camp Harvest for a couple of summers, i have never had to work or go to school on my birthday! so this was a first) but it was fun. The ladies of the office got doughnuts on behalf of my birthday; my boss brought me a carmel frapp and giftcard from starbucks; I had 2 visitors stop by work (a best friend and my mother-in-law); I recieved beautiful purple flowers; I was taken out to lunch by my father-in-law - sushi = YUM; I got birthday phone calls, cards, and facebook messages; Ben and I went kayaking down a river for about an hour and a half after work, just us; and then we met up with some great friends for ice cream at Coldstone (cake batter + brownie + cookie dough = amazing) it was truly a great day.
I am truly thankful and blessed for the people that God has allowed me to know and to love throughout my life so far. My birthday was definitely a day that brought many reminders of God's blessings, goodness, and grace to my life. And I am thankful for that!!

(i wish i had some pictures of my fun birthday, but sadly, i do not!)

the .d.r.e.a.m.s. in my heart

Sometimes I think we can become suffocated. People, even people that truly love us, tell us that: emotions are wrong; personality must be stifled; no dancing or singing loudly; you must establish your life by these sets of rules (even if they're man-made); you have to seize every opportunity you have even if you don't have any desire for it; your life should be full of things that keep you busybusybusy; resting or taking time for yourself is wrong; your life is all mapped out, don't screw it up by picking the wrong class/college/spouse; etc.
But that's not what God has for us. God created us each, individually and perfectly, to be in a relationship with Him and flourish as the people that He made us to be. He made us with our personality traits, He made us with the capacity to have emotions and express them (although they are not to control us); He gave us dreams and desires that our hidden in our hearts. He grants us freedom ; he doesn't hand us chains to be bogged down with. He loves us and cherishes us - Christ came to give us the abundant life and nothing less.
God has put dreams and desires into each and every one of our hearts. Maybe its to be a missionary, or an accountant, or a mom, or a salesman, or a dancer or even to move to this place or be a part of this activity, or whatever. He made us that way for a reason, for a purpose - to glorify Him with those dreams and desires and passions. In ALL that we do - to glorify Him! If God has allowed us these desires/passions/dreams, and if we continue to have them while we are in deep fellowship with Him and loving Him more and more, there is no reason at all not to pursue them.
It's such a freedom to know that we can't screw up God's plans, even in the midst of our desires/passions/dreams. God's will for us is simply this: that we become more like Christ. The little details (and even the seemingly big ones) aren't mapped out for us by God. He gives us complete freedom because no matter what we choose in life, this house or that one, this school or that one, He will work it out for our BEST, and our best is becoming like Christ.
If we are in a deep relationship with Him, our desires for ourself and for others will become His desires. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". It doesn't mean that we will get what we want, but that when we truly abide in Him our desires will conform to His.
Sometimes I think we get bogged down because our dreams and desires are to do this or that, but we're not sure if it's in "God's will"... But if we are loving Him more and more and there are opportunities for them to become real then why not?
God didn't send Christ so that we would be bogged down by expectations that people put on us, by rules that are made by "religious people"; He sent Christ so that we could live in freedom. So that we could lay our burdens down and dance on them. So that we could be free to dance and love and sing and be exactly who He created us to be before the foundations of the world. What a great God.

this crazy thing called LIFE

According to the dictionary (dictionary.com), life is what separates the organisms from the inorganic objects and things that are no longer alive (dead). Life is a breath, a heart beat, a movement, growing... Sounds serene, doesn't it? Sounds simple, peaceful...
For the last while, our lives have been full of much more than that! June was a crazy month for us; full of mostly good things, fun things... and some things not so fun - either way, it was busy.
Sometimes the business is hard for me to swallow; mostly before it comes, and when I'm really tired. I mean - I really like being home. My home is my physical haven. I'm a home-body. And I like my home to be clean (I can honestly say right now if you walked into my house there are things out of place, there is dog hair on the floor, there are clothes scattered (clean and dirty)... And I am not a fan. And honestly - I really like sleep, and I like to sleep at home.
I like changing in to sweats the moment I get home from work or church, I like curling up on the couch or sitting on our back deck in a rocking chair, all on my time. I like my schedules - the time that I wake up, the time I spend with the Lord over coffee, my run, my meal plans for the month, when Ben will be home... All of which can get moved around or completely missed by other plans and being busy.
As I was thinking about the busyness of the past month today, and making some plans for July, I realized that it's probably not going to slow down for a while - at least as far as I can tell. Part of me wishes for a break, but all of me is trusting that this is where God has us right now - so I'll take it! There's no place that I would rather be.
I'm glad that we have friends and family that we want to see and spend time with, I'm thankful for the opportunities to embark on adventures as a married couple, I feel so blessed to have people in our lives and in our home regularly so that we might invest in their lives and learn to love Jesus more and more.
I am truly thankful for where we are right now. For all the craziness and people that are in our lives. For all the planned things, the things that pop up, the schedules, and the messed-up schedules. I am more thankful for a Saviour that walks with us, that doesn't give us more than we can handle; who takes our burdens so we can bear His light load; who loves us and only wants what's best for us; the God that lets us in on the work He is doing. I am thankful that God is teaching me to let go of my priorities (even cleaning :) ) for His; to let go of my schedules, my plans, so that I can embrace His; to be completely free.
He is teaching me that rest doesn't come from sleep, it doesn't come from laying in a lawn chair or swinging on a porch swing (although I thoroughly enjoy both); it comes from abiding in the Lord and resting in Him. Finding peace and comfort and joy and everything I need. His word is the bread of life - the very basic thing I need to survive - and more precious than gold. My relationship with Him is everything - all I need.
Busyness comes and goes. But I am refreshed by knowing that God is sovereign, that I am where He wants me to be, and I can be thankful for every circumstance and every season of life I'm in - no matter how crazy or simple it might be.

one year later....

This past Sunday marked the one year anniversary of the day that we became husband and wife. Sometimes, it feels like we have been married forever; things are easy, fun, (not to say that they aren't intimate and deep), and we are communicating well... Other times it feels like there is no way that it could have been a year ALREADY, like we have SO much to still learn! But no matter which sort of day we are having, I would marry him all over again in a heartbeat. No need to re-think things or change past decisions - I would always choose to become Mrs. Thacker as long as I was always married to him.
Ben is an amazing man. I feel honored and priveledged to know him, much less to be his wife. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and continues to pursue him, he is wise beyond his years, he showers me with love. He is my best friend, he cares to know me and understand my heart - yes, even in the times when it isn't so pretty and is actually pretty messy. He sees through my "I'm fine"s and knows when something isn't okay. He is patient and kind, he asks forgiveness for the times he was wrong. He is hard-working, he is great at having fun, he makes me laugh so hard that I snort (yes, I snort, never happened in my life before I married him). He has a big heart for other people, he is a great friend, he is smart, he could make/fix almost anything with his hands. There is so much more that I could say - but at the end of the day he is simply amazing.
I love that I get to be on this journey of life with him - definitely wouldn't trade it. The past year has been full of ups and downs; yet each bend in the road, each rough patch, each celbration and victory, has only brought us closer to our Lord and to one another... There is nothing better than that.