Turks&Caicos

We were BLESSED, truly blessed, to go on a trip with my parents this spring to a little island (and by little I mean LITTLE: there is ONE runway at the airport, you land, and then U-turn on the same strip to get back to the airport. yeah, little.) called Providinciales. It is one of the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Carribean, right by Cuba. It is breath-takingly beautiful, truly. Maybe the most beautiful water I have ever seen in my entire life - and God didn't have to do that. He didn't have to make things beautiful or in color or anything. But He did. And He wants us to enjoy it. That's who He is.
God really used this time to refresh both Ben and I. We had lots of time relaxing, doing fun things together (snorkeling, swimming, para-sailing), and doing some ministry with people we grew to love very quickly. They encouraged our hearts as they loved God with their lives and worshipped Him.
Isn't it neat to think about the body of Christ around the world, and how in meeting them there is an instantaneous bond/love between us because of our place as God's sons and daughters?!
Here are some highlight pictures:

"Feed my sheep."

This past Friday was the second official meeting of our Home Groups, which we host at our home. It has been a great time of deep fellowship, discussing applications of God's Word, and praying together.
This past Friday we discussed John, chapter 21. Wow, talk about something I had never seen or understood before. The background is this: Christ's followers, the 12 disciples, are broken. Christ has just been crucified. The man they dedicated to following with their lives, the man that they gave up everything for, was just killed. They have scattered and fled and hid, Peter has even denied knowing Christ 3 times. Peter decides to go fishing. I can just imagine him thinking, I don't know what's going on anymore, so I'm going back to what I DO know, what I DO understand : fishing. Who's with me? So him and some of the disciples go fishing, if you know the story, they didn't have much luck.
Christ appears on the shore, and then lovingly recommends that they try the other side after they tell Him that they haven't caught anything. The nets become so full that they couldn't even bring it in! Then, Peter knew it was Christ. He jumped out of the boat and swam to meet Him.
Christ prepares breakfast for them. PAUSE. Christ has just appeared to them since dying on the cross, and He makes breakfast for them. For the people that denied Him and ran away. He wants them to come, rest, sit and eat. Isn't that what He always wants first and foremost? That would would just BE with Him? Whoa.
Unpause.
Christ Then he directs his conversation to Peter - Peter, do you love (agapae - God's love) me? Peter answers - Lord you know I love (phileo - brotherly love) you. Christ replies - feed my sheep. Christ asks again do you agapae me? Same answer, phileo. Same reponse to Peter - feed my sheep. Third time - Peter, do you phileo me? Peter answers, yes Lord, you know I love you. Same response: feed my sheep.
The take away is this - all Peter could muster up was phileo love. Brotherly love. He couldn't claim that he had agapae love for Christ, unconditional love, after just denying him 3 times. But the third time Christ meets Peter where he is and says even if you can't muster up agapae love for me, even if you are in a pit because of what has happened recently, even if you feel lost and confused, even THEN - feed my sheep. Pour out to others. Take care of MY people.
Christ gives Peter the solution, the key: don't go back to fishing, to your old ways, to where you are comfortable. Don't try and fix yourself by focusing on yourself. Don't go back to your old life because you are in despair... take care of my people. Just feed my sheep.
That is what he offers Peter. Peter, don't stay in that hole; don't hide; He lovingly tells Peter to pour himself out into His people - for that's how he will heal. That is where the abundant life is. Continue to pour out onto others. This is God's plan for us through Christ.

User *ERROR

Last night, I was vacuuming our hardwood floors. I should probably say, I was trying to vacuum them. At first, I thought it was my imagination. But then, all of a sudden, I saw it happen with my own eyes.
I would vacuum over something, and it would fly back and hit my feet! I tried again and again, only to get the same result! EW!
I was totally grossed out. Then I got frustrated that our "stupid vacuum" wasn't working. I kind of threw a mini-fit, with the vacuum still on and thinking Ben probably couldn't hear me? Partially I was just being dramatic and in the mood to be dramatic, which doesn't happen all that often.
I plopped down in my chair in our office, and Ben turns around from the computer and says, "So, you wanna talk about it?" He had definitely heard my fit-throwing.
He then got up, took one look at the vacuum and instantly found the problem. Do you know what the problem was? I needed to empty the plastic thing that holds all of the junk the vacuum picks up.
So maybe the vacuum isn't so "stupid" after all. Oops. Talk about a user error! Haha :)

iMpAcT

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles R. Swindoll

It will MaKe or BrEaK you, where you are, and the people around you. Wow, what a challenge to my heart.

in lieu of LOVE.and.Valentine's Day

REAL love
“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
-C.S. Lewis

a CHALLENGE for staying in LOVE
"Are you in love with your husband? Not, Do you love him? I know you do. He has been around a long time, and you're used to him. He is the father of your children. But are you in love with him? How long has it been since your heart really squeezed when you looked at him?...Why is it you have forgotten the things that attracted you to him at first?...Your husband needs to be told that you love him, that he is attractive to you. By the grace of God, I want you to start changing your thought pattern. Tomorrow morning, get your eyes off the toaster or the baby bottles long enough to LOOK at him. Don't you see the way his coat fits his shoulders? Look at his hands. Do you remember when just to look at his strong hands made your heart lift? Well, LOOK at him and remember. Then loose your tongue and tell him you love him. Will you ask the Lord to give you a sentimental, romantic, physical, in-love kind of love for your husband? He will do this."
-Shirley Rice


P.S. I know some people aren't in to Valentine's day, but I say bring on the Hallmark Holiday! Why not celebrate love in an extra special way for a day?C

the EnErGiZeR bunny and our A.bundant A.bba

As much as the I felt like the wolrd stopped and paused for two days, Ben was completely the opposite.
The second day he worked for 18 hours straight - and continued to work a crazy amount of hours for the next 3 days following as well. Plowing, salting, and de-icing is his specialty. Not only did he have the usual customers, but since snow blowers weren't working, the ice wasn't melting, and people didn't want to spend HOURS chipping away at the literal inches of ice, they called and waved down my husband continuously. He would be in the middle of one, get a call for one another, then be done with it and a neighbor or two would walk over and ask him to do theirs as well! It was insane. Pure insanity.
He was like the engergizer bunny - he kept going and going and going and going without seeing an end in sight all the way from early Wednesday morning at 3:30am until 2 am Sunday morning. I am so thankful for his hard work - I went with him here and there but had no where near his dedication to the job. What a hard-working man Ben is. He seized the opportunity God gave him.
The coolest part of the story to me is that our Father, our Abba, our Lord provided for us through all of this crazy weather and He provided ABUNDANTLY.
Just a week earlier Ben and I were talking about our finanaces. February was going to be tight, and I mean tight like we can't pay all of our bills tight. Ben didn't have a "back-up" plan for how we were going to make the money we needed for the month. There was nothing we could do - we were at the end of our financial rope - we could only cling to the Lord.
To be honest, I was EXCITED! I was SO excited that God was about to take us an adventure; an adventure of trusting Him. That we were going to get to see God move and provide for us some how some way because that is WHO our Papa is! He promises to take care of us, always! And I was excited to see just what He would do. God gave me peace that went far beyond the circumstance we found ourselves in.
Not one week after our conversation, BAM! God provided for us. 3 1/2 inches of pure ice on the ground, then snow on top of that with no sign of it melting. All within the first two days of February. Three days after the snow when we were supposed to get maybe an inch sprinkled on us, BAM! 4.5 inches were on the ground. TALK ABOUT ABUNDANTLY PROVIDING FOR HIS CHILDREN! ALL of this was in the first five days of February but perfectly on time.
Talk about something to continually praise the Lord for. He took care of us. In His grace and in His way He was faithful to His promise to us. Talk about something to grow our faith in! We serve a mighty God, a faithful God - a wonderful Creator. The Prince of Peace. The PROVIDER of our NEEDS.
I'm starting a journal on how God has provided for us abundantly, faithfully, over and over again even just in our one and a half years of marraige. Add that one to the books.

Resting and being taken care of by the faithful, loving, abundantly giving & providing Father,
B & J

i'll STOP! the world and melt with you

So, did you hear? God stopped the world for two days last week. Or at least the world of the people in the mid-west of the United States! Which includes us :) The damage: 3.5 inches of solid ice everywhere + rediculously cold tempuratures + 3 inches of snow = EMERGENCY TRAVEL ONLY. The roads were trecherous. Seriously, our world was an ice skating rink for those two days (and actually some parts continue to be even a week later!)
And while normally I like snow and cold until just around Christmas, I was actually quite thankful for the ice and snow last week. Also super thankful that I didn't have to drive/walk/move in it (poor Ben did though). I loved that there was enough to literally shut down schools and work everywhere pretty much for at least a day (or maybe two). I loved for just a moment our routine world wasn't so routine anymore. Two unscheduled days where nothing is planned and nothing really can be done was lovely. It was serene.
I got to relax, just be. Soak in some major couch time, do the things that I usually don't have time/make time for. I got to hang out with my husband the first day which was great as well. It was like a kiss on the cheak from the Lord to me. It just astounded me how the weather could just put a big PAUSE on almost everything. It was unlike anything I've experienced before.
I feel like God really gave me rest those days - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. I got to ride around with Ben in his plow some so even then God provided really good times together. I think I needed it more than I knew at the time as things have been crazy with us - but He took care of me and I'm still praising Him for that a week later. Still praising Him for pressing PAUSE in our everyday, mid-west world.

Continuing to rest in His arms,
J

Call me CrAzY.

So there are some things I've realize just recently that I love, that people might think I'm crazy for. Nonetheless, I love them. I mean, they could be my part-time hobbies. But I think they're things that the Lord has created me to love, me individually. I thoroughly enjoy my time spent doing these weird things and that is worship to our Father. So.... I might be weird, but that's how God made me :)

Things I realize that I love that could be considered strange:

-Running & working out

-Cleaning

-Organizing

-Decluttering

-Excel spreadsheets

-Auditing

-Making to-do lists just to check them off

-Making my bed, everyday

-The Stairmaster

The end. For now.

Realizing what I love,
J

boiling chili + 20 minutes

This isn't the prettiest story about me, but it's real.
One night Ben and I were making dinner, I think our friends were in the kitchen with us as well. We were making chili - a favorite that Ben and I could eat everyday and usually end up eating 5 nights in a row :)
We were all hungry, but the way I make my chili it has to come to a boil and then simmer for 20 minutes. Well, Ben and one of our friends kept pressing me about the 20 minutes. Why? Why does it have to simmer? Why can't it be less time? If it just boiled why does it need to simmer? Why?
What did I feel? Pressure. On the spot. That they didn't trust my judgement/cooking skills. Cornered. Wrong.
So what did I do? I ignored them at first, which wasn't great. When it kept going, I did something else I'm not proud of. But honesty, right?
I don't know if you have ever experienced this, but do you remember ever having been out with your mom in public, or at someone else's house, and you do something that she wants you to stop? Have you experienced that look, the one where her eyes almost pop out, where she's gritting her teeth as if to say, "if you don't stop that THIS instant!" or "if you ask me one more time!" or "you better knock it off RIGHT NOW" You know that one? It's kind of like a silent threat, right? It's a look that is meant to cause immediate change in behavior. Well, that's the look that I gave Ben. And I'm his wife, not his mom. Yikes.
I was on the defensive. I felt like I was being attacked, like my cooking skills were being attacked. To explain why I did it a specific way would be to put my thoughts/opinions out there for them to contradict and for me to fail, even though I had done this 1000 times before and knew what I was talking about. I would be humiliated. Or at least, that's what I thought. Core issue: I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to be wrong. Even in front of a close friend AND my HUSBAND! (Come on, really, what human has seen me fail more than my husband? I mean, I do live with the man!)
That's something that I think the Lord has really been opening my eyes to lately - that I fear failure. It's silly, because A) I'm human and B) No one is exempt from failing. Buuut I like to make myself think that it is too humilitating to fail so I try to prevent myself from it at all costs. My human nature wants to prevent me from trying too hard if I might fail, from taking risks if I will fail - when I'm walking in the flesh that is what I am controlled by. Talk about an impossible goal that I WILL fail at!
God is graciously opening my eyes to areas in my life that I need to surrender to Him and then GO FOR IT regardless of the outcome. I am thankful for that. How much would I miss out on otherwise? Plus, I'm a fan of learning - how can I really learn all that I can without failing at times?
So maybe they shouldn't have hounded me, and maybe I was right about the simmering thing, but the core issue in my heart that caused my reaction wasn't right; and I definitely should have been in a place to graciously respond rather than foolishly react. The look I gave my husband in order to control him = not okay. Why are we as humans such control freaks over everything and everyone?! Good thing I married a gracious man who is willing to forgive :) and love me anyways.
So that's where I'm at. Learning about myself and what God wants to change in my life. What's He showing you? God is always speaking to our hearts, are we listening?

Striving to overcome fear of failure,
J